Kindness Under Fire: Teaching Kindness

by Marilynn Chadwick

Kindness actually makes people happier. Such were the findings of a Stanford University study. Subjects who did five kind actions each week were happier than those who did not. And those who performed five acts every day were the happiest of all. The study found that happiness is greater when the acts of kindness are directed toward those we know as opposed to strangers. I guess you could say kindness, like charity, begins at home.

The Proverbs 31 woman of valor instructed others. I like the way the International Children’s Bible puts it: “She teaches others to be kind” (Prov. 31:26 ICB). I would like to think her teaching about kindness started at home by teaching her own children to be kind.

I believe kindness is the solution to bullying and other aggressive behaviors. Children, and even adults, may not see clearly the dangers of bullying. Some don’t even understand its definition. With our own children, I found it helped to explain bullying to them.

I think we should protect all children of all ages from bullying. Bullies don’t fight fair. In my mind, two against one is bullying. Older against younger is bullying—especially if that older one is an adult. And an adult can sometimes bully a child. If a more powerful person is picking on a weaker one, it’s always bullying.

I wanted our children to learn how to fight their own battles—especially when evenly matched. But I encouraged them to tell us if they were bullied. And if I ever caught them bullying someone else—well, let’s just say they caught the wrath of mom!

The Bible tells us to defend the weak (Psalm 82:3,4). So we can teach kindness to our children by exploring ways they can come to their aid when someone younger, or weaker, or outnumbered is being bullied. I’m reminded of some Texas school children who discovered that by forming a “swarm” around the child being bullied, they could get the bully to leave.

Teaching our kids about kindness helps bully-proof them. We want to stop them from bullying or being bullied. And by encouraging them to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves, we are creating a kinder culture.

Kindness Under Fire: Rest for Your Soul

by Marilynn Chadwick

The Proverbs 31:10 “woman of valor” is kind, and she teaches others to be kind. But we must also consider the kindness of God. Because until we get that one right, we’ll never walk in true freedom. Throughout history, we have seen how women (and all people, for that matter) have done terrible things to themselves and to each other when their view of God is off.

We have a good role model in the woman of valor in Proverbs 31. Her wholehearted devotion to God was not from terror, but rather from a reverential awe that filled her with confidence. Such strong faith was the reason she could face her future with hope—and why she could “laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25 NIV).

She knew God intimately. She had experienced him as loving, merciful, and kind. So she was able to lead and teach others with this same kindness: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26 ESV).

The Hebrew word chesed, translated “kindness” in this verse, is used throughout the Old Testament to describe God. Chesed, often translated “loving-kindness,” includes other aspects of God’s character, such as his love and mercy. There’s hardly an English equivalent that captures all that is wrapped up in chesed.

Scholars agree that chesed is one of the most important words in the entire Old Testament. For not only is it central to God’s character, it’s also tied to his covenant with his people. As one scholar put it, “the covenant may be thought of as the relationship through which chesed flows.”

A covenant is sort of like a contract, only more relational and more binding. God’s covenant was his way of guaranteeing his undying love and his unbreakable promises. In short, the covenant was proof of God’s loving-kindness. “‘With everlasting kindness [chesed], I will have compassion on you,’ says the Lord your Redeemer” (Isaiah 54:8 NIV). The Lord is good and “his love [chesed] endures forever” (Psalm 107:1 NIV).

Christians believe that when Jesus came to earth, his death and resurrection marked the beginning of a new kind of covenant. Through the shedding of his blood, God provided forgiveness of our sins and a free gift of grace for all who would accept it. If this method of salvation sounds too easy, think of all it cost God.

What good news it is that Jesus now gives this invitation of salvation by grace to exhausted women—and all weary souls everywhere: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29 NIV).

Loving-kindness seems to be a lost virtue in today’s world. Sadly, it’s missing from many of the discussions about what it means to be a woman today. Chesed actually adds to a woman’s strength, instead of making her weak, as some would have us believe. We must not forget that chesed is how God treats us as women. Even when the culture is cruel, or the devil is on his rampage, or when women treat themselves and each other poorly, God covers us with his chesed.

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick.  Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.

Kindness Under Fire: The Female Superhero—Not So Liberating

by Marilynn Chadwick

I will readily admit I love superhero movies. Today’s superhero movies have given us quite a rush of female superheroines splashed across our screen—a far cry from the helpless damsel in distress of years past. Perhaps these fit, strong females will provide our daughters with better role models and higher self-esteem?

Better think again. Just when we suspected these hard-hitting heroines were saving us from our outdated images of women, this new breed of female superhero might be making things worse. A recent study shows that instead of giving women healthier views about themselves—and especially about their body images—the new superheroines may be doing just the opposite. Researchers are concerned about the impact of powerful females who have perfect bodies and perform impossible tasks (defeating bad guys and saving the world—all while wearing sexy costumes and spiked heels).

Instead of feeling empowered, women who watched these superhero images reported a dramatic drop in self-esteem and dissatisfaction with their own body images and physical appearances. Thus, while the roles for women have evolved from the helpless victim to mighty protector, these superheroines may be undermining rather than improving women’s perceptions of themselves and their bodies.

There seems to be no end to the pressure upon women today to be perfect, much of it self-imposed. Social media has only fueled this flame. Women now have the added challenge of keeping up with the unrealistic digital world of their social media friends. No wonder the major emotion people report while on social media is envy.

At their very core, I believe women are wrestling with a spiritual problem. Which takes us right back to the most important task we have on earth—one that is foundational to becoming a woman of valor: training our heart to hear God’s voice. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that it was her “fear of the Lord” that was central to the character of our Proverbs 31 woman of valor. Her deep faith in the Lord energized her life. That’s why our foundation must be built on the solid rock of our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick. Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.