How to Honor Your Wife: Share Your Heart

by David Chadwick

It was the most difficult time I’d ever experienced in ministry. People who were once my supporters became my critics. And the number of critics seemed to grow every day. Over time, I felt increasingly alone and discouraged. I wasn’t exactly sure what I needed to do next.

Sensing my frustration and need for rest, one of the church members arranged for Marilynn and me to escape for a week at the beach. On the first night away, I couldn’t sleep. After a couple of hours of fitful attempts at sleep, I sat up in bed and let out a deep sigh. I looked out over the water, feeling emotionally paralyzed, contemplating the situation and wondering whether I could ever move forward again.

Marilynn awakened at the sound of my sigh. With enormous sensitivity, she asked, “You’re not doing well, are you?” “No, I’m not,” I responded. There were several moments of silence that ensued. She was uncertain what to say next, as was I. She reached her hand over to mine and squeezed it. Finally, she said, “Please tell me what’s going on.”

I didn’t want to. Men and husbands aren’t supposed to share their hearts. I was raised to believe that big boys don’t cry. Men are supposed to be strong. They are to lead their families with force. They are supposed to never give up. Their wives are supposed to admire their dogged, relentless strength and perseverance.

“Please tell me what you are feeling,” Marilynn persisted. The dam burst. Tears flowed. Like a blister being burst, all the pent up pus of months of frustration and fatigue oozed forth. The more I talked, the more my feelings poured forth. When I finished, I breathed another deep sigh.

Then I began to feel embarrassed. Marilynn had seen me at my weakest moment. I had shared a depth of feeling I’d never shared before. I was certain she thought less of me. I knew she was now officially embarrassed to be my wife. She shocked me with her response. “David, I believe in you.” Then she squeezed my hand again and said it again. “I believe in you.”

That’s all she said. That’s all she needed to say. Four words that changed my life and ministry. Renewed confidence pulsated within. Hope surged in my soul. I began to believe this problem was solvable. I knew my leadership was damaged but not destroyed.

But before Marilynn could speak these words to me, I had to learn a very valuable lesson. I had to squash the lie that men never cry. I had to kill my prideful attitude that believed I always needed to be strong. I had to buy the truth that Marilynn really wanted to hear what was in my heart. She desired to be strong when I was weak. She felt called to help me carry my burdens. But it couldn’t happen unless I was willing to share my heart with her.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Ask This Question Often

by David Chadwick

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. What wise words these are! Most all we do in life flows from what first happens in the heart.

Solomon echoes this truth with this poignant piece of wisdom: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). He knew the importance of the heart. He knew that everything in life flows from what’s happening within. That’s why a person needs to keep and guard the heart with all vigilance.

In our physical lives, a healthy heart usually means a healthy physical body. In the spiritual realm, it’s similarly true. A healthy spiritual heart generally means a healthy spiritual life.

Jesus made the same point in Mark 7:20-23 when he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Everything in life, both good and evil, flows from the heart. The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.

Here is another way we as husbands can honor our wives. It’s not astrophysics. It’s surprisingly simple, yet astonishingly significant to a woman. You need to ask your wife this question and ask it often: “How’s your heart?” That’s it. It’s that simple. But, if asked sincerely and often, it can have profound and positive implications for a meaningful and successful marriage.

Remember: Your wife wants to be one with you. That was creation’s design. That’s what she desires most. But for oneness to occur, you must want it too. Your desire to honor and prize your wife will stimulate your desire to know her heart so that you can become one.

Husband, to do this is not natural. In your sinful, selfish condition, you are prone to abandon God’s call to care for your wife’s heart and place your desires above hers. You need to learn and practice being a servant. You need to value her life above your own. One specific way to do this is to ask her what’s happening in her heart.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Respect Her Opinion

by David Chadwick

We husbands are often “Captain Oblivious” with our wives. We live disconnected from them. They often have insights that could help us in many different areas. They are often transmitting signals to us. But, like radio waves needing a transmitter for sounds to be heard, we don’t have our transmitters turned on. And if they are on, we have our dials set just a few numbers away from their signals. We only hear garbled gurgles and static sounds.

We husbands need to learn from our wives. We need to seek and respect their opinions. This respect comes more easily when we know them well.

Through the years, I’ve learned four different ways to know Marilynn well. They have helped me hear her transmissions. They have aided me in seeking her input. They have allowed me to clearly discern what she may be feeling and how I can digest what she may be trying to say to me. I know she has my best interests at heart. I know she wants my best. I know she desires my success. If so, and we are one flesh, wouldn’t it be wise for me to learn better how to know her well?

These four ways are encapsulated in the acronym S-E-A-L. Think of them as ways to “seal the deal” with your wife—ways to know her well.

After all, the better you know her, the more you’ll value her opinion. And the closer you will become. She will feel honored. And when you finally seal the deal, the two of you truly become one—which is God’s goal for all marriages. Here it is:

S—Study her life

E—Empathize with her

A—Ask for her opinion

L—Listen to what she says

I would imagine that several things on my list are also on yours. I’d also imagine that you’d have other items that I don’t have. What’s on the list isn’t nearly as important as the fact that there is a list. Just make sure you have one.

We husbands need to S-E-A-L the deal. Study your wife. Empathize with her. Ask and respect her opinions. Listen to what she says. Doing so will help you to know her well. It will prove your desire to honor her.

And the two of you become more and more one flesh.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!