Kindness Under Fire: Our Own Worst Enemies

by Marilynn Chadwick

You’d think women would have learned by now that sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. For example, the torturous custom of foot binding, which plagued China’s women for over a thousand years, was perpetuated by women. Originally a symbol of female wealth and refinement, foot binding eventually became a symbol of beauty. The smaller the foot—with a three-inch foot being the ideal—the better chance the woman had of getting married.

In order to fit into the tiny lotus shoes, women had to literally suffer the breaking of bones in their feet, beginning when they were toddlers. They kept their feet bound for life. Though now illegal, foot binding survived for a thousand years because of women’s emotional investment in the practice.

Or think back to the corsets worn by women in the 1800s in Europe and America. Women in the Victorian era prized unnaturally tiny waists. So they subjected themselves and their daughters to the painfully binding contraptions, which had to be tightly laced at the back. Over time, their ribs were displaced, and their lungs and other organs were compressed against the spine or shoved down into the lower abdomen. This made it hard to breathe, so ladies sometimes fainted. Thus, the “feminine swoon” also became popular.

Here’s what one newspaper columnist wrote about wearing a corset: “It is difficult to imagine a slavery more senseless, cruel or far-reaching in its injurious consequences than that imposed by fashion on civilized womanhood during the last generation. The tight lacing required by the wasp waist has produced generations of invalids.”

But we are not exempt. Today’s women are tormented by the harshly thin, female-driven supermodel body image. Eating disorders are skyrocketing. Young girls in America are now dieting by as early as age ten. Perhaps you’ve heard of the “thigh gap.” Ask your teenage daughter, because she probably has. ABC news did a report on the alarming trend among high-school-aged girls, perpetuated by Internet images. Standing up straight with feet together and knees touching, teens (and women) want to see gaps between their thighs even if they know it takes poor nutrition habits and over-exercising to get there. When asked the reason for thigh gaps, a panel of young women admitted it was a status symbol—further proof that skinny frames are their ideal measure of beauty. Oddly, it is women—not their boyfriends or husbands—who pressure each other to strive for dangerously thin bodies.

Anorexia and bulimia, once confined to mostly young women, are now showing up in two other groups: young girls and older women. Anorexia has reached epidemic proportions among middle-aged women. Eating disorders now have the highest fatality rate of any mental illness. Women are literally starving themselves to death to become thin.

The loving kindness of our Mighty God can set women free from their self-imposed prison. At its core, this prison is the work of the devil. Remember, “the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work” (1 John 3:8 NIV).

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick.

Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.

Kindness Under Fire: Showing Kindness to Ourselves

by Marilynn Chadwick

I still marvel when I think about how God gave women the added privilege of being life-givers and co-creators of the entire human race. Eve was the first woman. Her name literally means “mother of all the living” (Genesis 3:20). I love Eve’s response after giving birth to the first human ever born to a woman: “Look, I have created a new human, with the help of the Eternal” (Genesis 4:1 VOICE). Another translation puts it this way: “I produced a man” (Gen 4:1 TLV).

We’re not only able to bear children, but also to nurture them. What’s more, we have the ability to nurture others who are not necessarily our own children. We see that played out in the life of Deborah, the prophet, judge, and “mother in Israel” (Judges 5:7). Throughout Scripture, we find examples of this beautiful nurturer and warrior combination that God has mysteriously woven into the heart of a woman.

But the Bible warns us of the “enmity,” or hostility, between Satan and the woman after the Fall (Genesis 3:15). It makes sense, then, that the devil would try to lure the woman away from God’s original design, twisting her ezer strength into a rock—not of support, but of hardness. Distorting her courage into brazen ambition. And if he can derail her nurturer side—killing the kindness in a woman’s heart—he will have unleashed a creature who is destructive to her family, to the culture around her, and ultimately to herself.

The hostility between Satan and women has played out again and again on the stage of human history. Wherever we see women being mistreated, we can be sure the devil is lurking behind the scenes, manipulating others to cause women harm.

In the past, and even today in some parts of the world, women have been regarded as property, beasts of burden, or worse, as slaves. They’ve been caricatured as weak, overly emotional, or unintelligent. Beaten down, ignored, and oppressed, women are vulnerable to the same tactics the enemy has used for centuries. And when the devil can’t get someone else to oppress the woman, he downloads lies that destroy her from within.

This disarms her ability to nurture others. When a woman believes the enemy’s lies, not only are those around her at risk, but she will eventually harm her own soul. That’s why kindness begins when we first receive the kindness of God for ourselves. Only then do we have kindness to share with those around us.

That’s why it’s vital that women learn to balance our nurturer and warrior roles. When we do that, the people around us flourish.

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick. Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.

Kindness Under Fire: She Teaches with Kindness

by Marilynn Chadwick

A woman of valor who can find?...The teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:10,26 JPS).

Disney got it right. The scariest villains are often women. Think about it. Cinderella’s wicked stepmother overworked the poor girl and locked her in an attic before she was finally rescued by her handsome prince. The evil Maleficent cast her jealous spell on Sleeping Beauty. Snow White battled a wicked queen who was envious of her beauty. And don’t forget Cruella De Vil [cruel devil] who kidnapped an entire litter of Dalmatian puppies, intending to use their fur to make into coats.

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, whose famed fairy tales actually had to be sanitized before they were suitable for children, were said to have portrayed a few mothers as villains. But the public outcry against mothers mistreating their own children forced the Grimm brothers to recast the mothers as evil stepmothers instead.

When I was a small child, the wicked woman that terrified me most—hands down—was the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz. Years later, I can still hear that green-faced, old witch cackling, “My Little Pretty” as she taunts her captive, Dorothy.

A woman devoid of what Shakespeare called “the milk of human kindness” is a fearsome creature—especially to a child. Maybe that’s because as children, we instinctively open our hearts to women. From birth, we’re trained to look to our mothers for nurture and protection.

Kindness is central to the Proverbs 31 “virtuous women,” better translated, “woman of valor.” “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26 ESV). A woman of valor is not only kind; she “teaches others to be kind” (verse 26 ICB).

The simple dictionary definition of kindness points to words such as “gentle or considerate.” But the Bible gives kindness a much stronger meaning. Kindness is listed among the fruit of the Holy Spirit that are present in the life of a believer (Galatians 5:22). The Greek word chrestos, translated “kindness,” is described as a “grace that pervades one’s whole nature” and is the opposite of harshness or severity. Christ’s yoke, or what he asks us to do, is chrestos, having nothing harsh or galling about it (Matthew 11:30).

Looking at the full portrait of the Proverbs 31 woman, we see that her kindness only adds to her strength. She is both leader and teacher. She speaks words of wise instruction to her family and others. But her leadership is always wrapped in kindness.

God created women to be strong and kind—part warrior and part nurturer. From Creation, he designed the woman to be the helper, or ezer—a source of rock-like support for her husband (Genesis 2:18). God equipped us with courage and strength. But he has added to that strength by making us capable of being kind and sharing that kindness with those around us.

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick. Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.