How to Honor Your Wife: Honor in Action

by David Chadwick

One mid-afternoon, my mother wandered from the house alone with no one knowing where she was. Dad became frantic and panicked. Several hours went by. Finally, a neighbor called to say he’d seen her several blocks away. When we went to get her, she didn’t even remember having wandered away.

Soon thereafter, our worst fears were confirmed. Doctors diagnosed her with an advancing, slow-moving form of dementia. Most Alzheimer’s patients experience memory loss and eventual death over an eight-to-nine-year life span. Mom’s lasted for seventeen long, arduous years. We watched this gracious, kind, charming, loving woman slowly slip away and lose her mind. We watched Dad slowly lose his best friend.

Mom progressively worsened to the point where she needed to move into an assisted living unit. Over time, her memory became so diminished that Dad had to move her into the Alzheimer’s unit. No one wanted to place her there, especially Dad. But it was his only choice. She needed round-the-clock care. It made me very sad to go visit her.

At this stage, the only time we ever got a response from her was when we sang some of her favorite old hymns. Amazingly, she would start singing them with us—word for word. Her faith that had sustained her since childhood still had a home in her heart. Dad and Mom were experiencing what someone once called “the long good-bye.” Yet faithfully Dad visited her almost every single day.

Dad would stroke her hair and wipe her brow when it was wet with sweat. He would rub her back to keep the blood circulating. He would move her around so bedsores wouldn’t develop. He would fetch water to wet her chapped lips, feed her food she was unable to bring to her lips, and somehow hoped she knew he was present. Any time she gave him the slightest smile, his day was made. It was sad to watch my dad see a part of himself die before his very eyes. Once I asked Dad how hard it was to watch Mom die. “It’s hard, son,” he responded. But then he quickly added, “But I made a commitment to her. I promised for better or worse. This is worse. I promised in sickness and in health. This is sickness. I promised in richer or poorer. This is poorer. I made a promise ‘till death do you part.’ She is the love of my life. We are, after all, one flesh.” She died soon thereafter.

During her last years on earth, my dad especially honored my mom. She was his prized treasure. She was his permanent trophy bride. He exalted, valued, and esteemed her. For me, he was a living example of the definition of the word honor. His focus was on his beloved. I’ll never forget that example. May his example be ours as well.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Use Words Wisely

by David Chadwick

“Those are just words,” people sometimes say dismissively. They are trying to state how unimportant another person’s perspective or opinion is. They are saying words don’t really matter. But they are wrong. Dead wrong. Words are important. They were God’s idea. He invented words. They come from his heart. They express ideas, feelings, and insights. Try having an intimate, meaningful human relationship without words. It’s impossible. Even the hearing-impaired have hand signals—a way to “hear” and express words from and to another.

When God wanted to show his character, “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14). He incarnated “the Word” to express himself to our world.

Words can inflame. People have used words to slander others and cause enormous personal harm to them. History shows that before you can commit genocide you must negatively caricature people, even entire ethnic groups, with negative words.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” simply isn’t true. It may seem like a clever phrase to utter in a moment of ostensible courage. But it’s simply not true. In fact, it’s a lie. Words do hurt. It is written in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” What wisdom! Words give either life or death.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” One single word can prevent or cause all kinds of negative or positive emotions to occur.

Jesus had this to say about our words in Matthew 12:36: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Jesus knew that a person’s words reflect their inner character, which will be revealed on judgment day.

In James 3, the writer points out the extraordinary danger of words spoken from the tongue. Words can be like a tiny spark that sets an entire forest ablaze. Humanity has been able to bridle the strongest animals on earth, but not this tiny instrument in our mouths called the tongue. From it, sometimes simultaneously, pours forth praises to God and criticisms of people he created in his image. How incongruous!

Can any thinking person deny the power of words? I don’t think so. Therefore, use words with your wife wisely. Use words that edify, encourage, build up, give hope, and help her live on mission for all that God has called her to be.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Be a Guardian and a Gardener

by David Chadwick

In Bible times, for a city to be safe, there needed to be strong walls erected around the city. When an enemy attacked a city, he would first lay siege against the walls. When the Babylonians captured Jerusalem in 586 BC, they completely razed the walls surrounding the holy city. The Jews were taken into captivity for 70 years. Persia eventually overthrew Babylon and became the world’s foremost power. Cyrus, the king of Persia, then allowed some Jews to return home to Jerusalem and the surrounding area.

In the Bible, the book of Nehemiah tells the story of Nehemiah getting permission from Persia’s king, Artaxerxes, to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. He returned to Jerusalem to accomplish this call from God. Amidst fierce opposition, he eventually succeeded. The walls around the holy city were rebuilt. The city was now safe again from the exploits of surrounding enemies.

Nehemiah is an example of what husbands should be. We are builders and restorers of the walls around our families. We build them high, wide, and impregnable. We know there is an enemy who wants to destroy marriages and families. He is wily and tireless. He will use an array of different weapons to rob marriages and families of their God-intended purpose.

Therefore, God calls the husband to be aware of the enemy’s underhanded, evil tactics. He calls the husband to build strong walls around his home and be the primary guardian against all evil attacks. And regularly walk those walls to make sure the enemy doesn’t try to invade.

As the spiritual leader of your home, you are not only a guardian, but also a gardener. Israel was called a vineyard, with God as the vinedresser. His job was to carefully nurture Israel’s spiritual life. In the same way that God was a gardener to Israel, so is Jesus to his church. Similarly, husbands should be gardeners who care for their wives and children. They are called by God to spiritually nurture their homes, as God did Israel and Jesus does his church.

What, then, is the primary job of the gardener? Yes, there is a decided defensive aspect to his responsibilities. He is to pluck weeds from the garden. He is to prune what is unnecessary. He is to carefully look for pests and signs of disease. In these ways, he is similar to being a guardian and a watchman who walks the walls of his family’s city.

But there is also an overt offensive aspect to his responsibility. He is called to place nutrients in the soil. He is to fertilize the plants. He may even build a greenhouse to ensure the best possible environment. He uses these offensive strategies to give the plants the best chance for survival. The gardener knows that without obstacles and enemies, a fertilized plant will most often grow to full health. It will become what it was intended to be.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!