From the Cross: Family Conflict

by David Chadwick

Family conflict is our next burden that was brought up and laid at the foot of the cross. Few live this life without it! It could be with a sibling, an absent or abusive dad, a controlling mom, a crazy cousin, or a demanding aunt or uncle.

So, how do we handle this?

First, realize that family conflict has been going on since the beginning of time. Right after the Fall in Genesis 3, do you remember what happened? A family conflict! Cain hated his brother so much that he murdered him. For starters, you can count your blessings that your situation has not resulted in death! Now keep reading the rest of Genesis. Conflict between Ishmael and Isaac, a brawl between Jacob and Esau, and then between Jacob and his sons. How about Joseph with his brothers? More conflict! And that is just in the book of Genesis! If you keep reading through Exodus, you’ll see Moses’s tension with his brother Aaron, at times his sister Miriam, and even with his wife! This is not a new problem, so don’t be surprised!

Second, you must recognize that family conflict is rooted in sin. The Bible says that the heart is deceitful above all (Jeremiah 17:9). As much as possible, live at peace with one another (Romans 12:18), but realize that sometimes sin patterns keep that from happening. You don’t get to pick your family like you do your friends. While you can’t control others, you can control yourself and you can determine how you are going to interact with and respond to unhealthy people. It’s okay to distance yourself from sinful dynamics that are detrimental to your own health or the health of your family. It’s fine to distance yourself from destructive people.

For instance, if a family member is an addict, you may need to examine yourself to see if you are being manipulated to remain codependent with them at the expense of your own health. Sometimes in unhealthy familial dynamics, the healthy individual ends up carrying the burden and weight of the situation. You become the problem when you’re trying to solve the problem! You must guard yourself against that!

In all things, you must choose love. Even when it feels someone is an enemy, remember that Jesus calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). Before coming into the faith, we, too, were enemies of God and while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:1-11). You can never go wrong when you operate in love. Just make sure your love is not being manipulated for someone else’s gain, which only leaves you in more pain.

Today’s Prayer of Confession: Father God, deliver me from evil. Remove the effects of family conflict and replace it with LOVE (1 Corinthians 13) and CONFIDENCE IN THE LORD (Proverbs 14:26).