How to Honor Your Wife: Be a Guardian and a Gardener

by David Chadwick

In Bible times, for a city to be safe, there needed to be strong walls erected around the city. When an enemy attacked a city, he would first lay siege against the walls. When the Babylonians captured Jerusalem in 586 BC, they completely razed the walls surrounding the holy city. The Jews were taken into captivity for 70 years. Persia eventually overthrew Babylon and became the world’s foremost power. Cyrus, the king of Persia, then allowed some Jews to return home to Jerusalem and the surrounding area.

In the Bible, the book of Nehemiah tells the story of Nehemiah getting permission from Persia’s king, Artaxerxes, to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. He returned to Jerusalem to accomplish this call from God. Amidst fierce opposition, he eventually succeeded. The walls around the holy city were rebuilt. The city was now safe again from the exploits of surrounding enemies.

Nehemiah is an example of what husbands should be. We are builders and restorers of the walls around our families. We build them high, wide, and impregnable. We know there is an enemy who wants to destroy marriages and families. He is wily and tireless. He will use an array of different weapons to rob marriages and families of their God-intended purpose.

Therefore, God calls the husband to be aware of the enemy’s underhanded, evil tactics. He calls the husband to build strong walls around his home and be the primary guardian against all evil attacks. And regularly walk those walls to make sure the enemy doesn’t try to invade.

As the spiritual leader of your home, you are not only a guardian, but also a gardener. Israel was called a vineyard, with God as the vinedresser. His job was to carefully nurture Israel’s spiritual life. In the same way that God was a gardener to Israel, so is Jesus to his church. Similarly, husbands should be gardeners who care for their wives and children. They are called by God to spiritually nurture their homes, as God did Israel and Jesus does his church.

What, then, is the primary job of the gardener? Yes, there is a decided defensive aspect to his responsibilities. He is to pluck weeds from the garden. He is to prune what is unnecessary. He is to carefully look for pests and signs of disease. In these ways, he is similar to being a guardian and a watchman who walks the walls of his family’s city.

But there is also an overt offensive aspect to his responsibility. He is called to place nutrients in the soil. He is to fertilize the plants. He may even build a greenhouse to ensure the best possible environment. He uses these offensive strategies to give the plants the best chance for survival. The gardener knows that without obstacles and enemies, a fertilized plant will most often grow to full health. It will become what it was intended to be.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Share Your Heart

by David Chadwick

It was the most difficult time I’d ever experienced in ministry. People who were once my supporters became my critics. And the number of critics seemed to grow every day. Over time, I felt increasingly alone and discouraged. I wasn’t exactly sure what I needed to do next.

Sensing my frustration and need for rest, one of the church members arranged for Marilynn and me to escape for a week at the beach. On the first night away, I couldn’t sleep. After a couple of hours of fitful attempts at sleep, I sat up in bed and let out a deep sigh. I looked out over the water, feeling emotionally paralyzed, contemplating the situation and wondering whether I could ever move forward again.

Marilynn awakened at the sound of my sigh. With enormous sensitivity, she asked, “You’re not doing well, are you?” “No, I’m not,” I responded. There were several moments of silence that ensued. She was uncertain what to say next, as was I. She reached her hand over to mine and squeezed it. Finally, she said, “Please tell me what’s going on.”

I didn’t want to. Men and husbands aren’t supposed to share their hearts. I was raised to believe that big boys don’t cry. Men are supposed to be strong. They are to lead their families with force. They are supposed to never give up. Their wives are supposed to admire their dogged, relentless strength and perseverance.

“Please tell me what you are feeling,” Marilynn persisted. The dam burst. Tears flowed. Like a blister being burst, all the pent up pus of months of frustration and fatigue oozed forth. The more I talked, the more my feelings poured forth. When I finished, I breathed another deep sigh.

Then I began to feel embarrassed. Marilynn had seen me at my weakest moment. I had shared a depth of feeling I’d never shared before. I was certain she thought less of me. I knew she was now officially embarrassed to be my wife. She shocked me with her response. “David, I believe in you.” Then she squeezed my hand again and said it again. “I believe in you.”

That’s all she said. That’s all she needed to say. Four words that changed my life and ministry. Renewed confidence pulsated within. Hope surged in my soul. I began to believe this problem was solvable. I knew my leadership was damaged but not destroyed.

But before Marilynn could speak these words to me, I had to learn a very valuable lesson. I had to squash the lie that men never cry. I had to kill my prideful attitude that believed I always needed to be strong. I had to buy the truth that Marilynn really wanted to hear what was in my heart. She desired to be strong when I was weak. She felt called to help me carry my burdens. But it couldn’t happen unless I was willing to share my heart with her.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!

How to Honor Your Wife: Ask This Question Often

by David Chadwick

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. What wise words these are! Most all we do in life flows from what first happens in the heart.

Solomon echoes this truth with this poignant piece of wisdom: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). He knew the importance of the heart. He knew that everything in life flows from what’s happening within. That’s why a person needs to keep and guard the heart with all vigilance.

In our physical lives, a healthy heart usually means a healthy physical body. In the spiritual realm, it’s similarly true. A healthy spiritual heart generally means a healthy spiritual life.

Jesus made the same point in Mark 7:20-23 when he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Everything in life, both good and evil, flows from the heart. The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.

Here is another way we as husbands can honor our wives. It’s not astrophysics. It’s surprisingly simple, yet astonishingly significant to a woman. You need to ask your wife this question and ask it often: “How’s your heart?” That’s it. It’s that simple. But, if asked sincerely and often, it can have profound and positive implications for a meaningful and successful marriage.

Remember: Your wife wants to be one with you. That was creation’s design. That’s what she desires most. But for oneness to occur, you must want it too. Your desire to honor and prize your wife will stimulate your desire to know her heart so that you can become one.

Husband, to do this is not natural. In your sinful, selfish condition, you are prone to abandon God’s call to care for your wife’s heart and place your desires above hers. You need to learn and practice being a servant. You need to value her life above your own. One specific way to do this is to ask her what’s happening in her heart.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!