The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgiveness Doesn’t Equal Forgetting

by David Chadwick

There are so many layers to forgiveness. It takes practice, patience, and a deep pursuit of abiding in the presence of God.

While forgiveness is radical, it’s not careless. God’s heart in teaching us forgiveness is for our good. It’s not to make us a doormat to other people’s poor treatment of us. It’s to set our hearts free from the prison that unforgiveness wants to hold us in and to keep us from the madness it creates!

With that said, forgiveness does not equal forgetting.

Sometimes we wrongly think that in order to forgive, we must forget. That only if we have completely forgotten something could there possibly be evidence of true forgiveness. But that’s just not realistic! Not only is that the antithesis of how humans are hardwired to think and feel, I don’t believe it’s biblical.

The Bible talks repeatedly about remembering and the power of memory. Psalm 103:2 says, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” God gave us a memory for a reason. In fact, he encourages us to recount and remember things God has done for us. To remember all of his past victories. If God did it once, he can do it again! So, why would he give us a memory if he expects us to completely forget our pain in order to forgive?

I think there’s another reason God gave us the gift of painful memories: so we don’t get hurt again! He wants us to learn from our past situations and to grow in wisdom. If you have ever had a child touch something hot, he or she will usually never touch it again. Our memory often helps protect us from future pain.

Remember, we are commanded to forgive. That’s not optional. But God keeps the memory of the past alive within us for many different reasons, I think. First, to constantly remind us of God’s grace, which takes us back over and over again to the cross. But secondly, to keep us from going back to the source of the pain. He wants to keep us out of toxic relationships. He wants to remind us of the kinds of people we should not trust. He wants to show us the kind of people we want and need in our lives.

Forgive, but never forget! By forgiving, you are set free. But by remembering, you will learn a lot of valuable truths that you would never know without God’s gracious gift of memory.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: 70 Times 7

by David Chadwick

70 times 7. Jesus says that this is the number of times we must offer forgiveness to others. Read Matthew 18:21-22.

Much of the entire chapter in Matthew 18 has to do with forgiveness. In Jesus’s day, within Hebrew culture, the number of 7 represented the number of completion. Therefore, when Peter asked Jesus how often to forgive someone else, he inquired if God’s idea of completion would be encapsulated in this question from Peter: “Are we supposed to forgive someone who has hurt us 7 times?”

Jesus’s response to Peter is compelling. He said, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Or, as we see in other translations, Jesus told Peter it wasn’t just 70 times, but 70 times 7!

What was Jesus saying? Was he teaching that on the 491st time we are now allowed to retaliate and respond with revenge? No! Jesus was teaching that 7 (the number of completion) extrapolated outward (to 70 times) means that we are to forgive repeatedly. Over and over again.

In that moment, Jesus took Peter’s understanding of completion within Hebrew culture and brought him up to a higher perspective of the culture of the Kingdom of heaven. He wants to do the same with us!

When the offense and your offender come to mind, or someone reminds you of your pain or trauma, or you run into the offender at the grocery store and the pain returns, stop and pause. Remind yourself to forgive that person again. And again. And again.  Jesus knew that most likely painful memories would recur.

The good news is, over time, the pain will lessen. I think Jesus knew the reality of the human heart. He knew the quicker we respond with forgiveness, the less chance we have for bitterness to remain in our hearts, causing a root of resentment to reestablish itself.

At some point, as we faithfully obey Jesus’s teachings, the grace of forgiveness from Jesus to you will overwhelm the bitter feelings of what happened to you.

The next time you hear something, see someone, or are triggered to be reminded of what happened to you. Pause. Remember. 70 times 7. Forgive once again.

And eventually, the pain will go away.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgive Your Enemies

by David Chadwick

You might be thinking after reading this title, “Wait a second, David. You mean Jesus’s teaching on forgiveness applies even to my enemies?”

Yes!

Now, take a moment and read Matthew 5:43-48.

Jesus clearly taught his disciples to forgive their enemies. And he wants us to do the same! He knew that the natural instinct when people get hurt would be to retaliate with a bit more venom toward the offender.

Retaliation always calls for just a bit more intensity, which makes the offended person’s retaliation a little bit worse. And then the offender would feel even more anger. And on and on the cycle goes.

Jesus wants us to learn how to break this cycle. To nip it in the bud. To not allow our anger to escalate. But how do we do this? Forgive!

Forgiveness breaks the back of our offenders. Yes, even our enemies. You may think, “But David, I can’t do this! This one is too hard.”

I understand your pain and can actually relate as I too have had a hard time forgiving my enemies. But do you remember Romans 5 that we discussed yesterday? While we were still God’s enemies, he came and died for us. Pause again and think about that! We were God’s ENEMIES! And yet he still offered us his forgiveness and grace.

Let me state clearly here that this is not something we can do in our own strength. It’s not natural. You can’t muster up forgiveness toward an enemy without Jesus. Our natural inclination is to get even. To take revenge. To retaliate. But when we receive Jesus’s love, it’s a supernatural love. Where we can’t, Jesus can! Because of Jesus, we can love our enemies by his love that is in us and flowing through us. Jesus’s  supernatural love is what allowed him to forgive us as his enemies. And that same love can give us the ability to forgive our enemies too!

This is why the world desperately needs Jesus. His love, grace, mercy, and kindness can change even the hardest of hearts. Jesus wants to conform all of us to his image (Romans 8:29), from the inside out. That way, we can live as he lived. And love as he loved.

Yes, even when it’s our enemies. As he forgave us when we were his enemies.