The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgiveness Doesn’t Equal Forgetting

by David Chadwick

There are so many layers to forgiveness. It takes practice, patience, and a deep pursuit of abiding in the presence of God.

While forgiveness is radical, it’s not careless. God’s heart in teaching us forgiveness is for our good. It’s not to make us a doormat to other people’s poor treatment of us. It’s to set our hearts free from the prison that unforgiveness wants to hold us in and to keep us from the madness it creates!

With that said, forgiveness does not equal forgetting.

Sometimes we wrongly think that in order to forgive, we must forget. That only if we have completely forgotten something could there possibly be evidence of true forgiveness. But that’s just not realistic! Not only is that the antithesis of how humans are hardwired to think and feel, I don’t believe it’s biblical.

The Bible talks repeatedly about remembering and the power of memory. Psalm 103:2 says, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” God gave us a memory for a reason. In fact, he encourages us to recount and remember things God has done for us. To remember all of his past victories. If God did it once, he can do it again! So, why would he give us a memory if he expects us to completely forget our pain in order to forgive?

I think there’s another reason God gave us the gift of painful memories: so we don’t get hurt again! He wants us to learn from our past situations and to grow in wisdom. If you have ever had a child touch something hot, he or she will usually never touch it again. Our memory often helps protect us from future pain.

Remember, we are commanded to forgive. That’s not optional. But God keeps the memory of the past alive within us for many different reasons, I think. First, to constantly remind us of God’s grace, which takes us back over and over again to the cross. But secondly, to keep us from going back to the source of the pain. He wants to keep us out of toxic relationships. He wants to remind us of the kinds of people we should not trust. He wants to show us the kind of people we want and need in our lives.

Forgive, but never forget! By forgiving, you are set free. But by remembering, you will learn a lot of valuable truths that you would never know without God’s gracious gift of memory.