The Madness of Unforgiveness: Step Over the Offense

by David Chadwick

Forgiveness. It’s one of the most powerful forces in God’s creation. On the contrary, unforgiveness can easily hold people captive and destroy their lives.

Let’s keep looking at the madness of unforgiveness.

What is the best way to stop unforgiveness? If possible, step over the offense. Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Here is a pithy way that I like to remember this biblical truth. Offenses happen to us all. But good sense would say to step over offense!

Some people will purposely offend us. Some do so unintentionally, without evil intent. But here’s the bottom line: offenses do happen! People offend us. And we offend them.

It’s not a matter of if this will happen to us, but when.

I truly believe the best way to handle most offenses, if possible, is to step over them. Notice I did say, “If possible…” I do recognize that sometimes the offense is so big, so damaging, and so hurtful that it needs to be confronted. There are certainly times where the only way to move on is to deal with the offender so that he or she can’t do any further harm.

However, if the offense is deemed to be manageable, if it is something that won’t really hurt the friendship, if it’s a silly conflict with your husband or wife, or if it’s not something that would greatly harm the family or organization, it’s always best to step over it.

When you step over the offense, remember to give it to God.

I like to repeatedly say to myself in these moments, “David, remember that love is not irritable. It isn’t touchy. Or rude. Indeed, love really is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:5).”

With Jesus’s supernatural strength living within us, we truly can step over the offense.  And move forward in enjoying life to the fullest!

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgiveness is not Reconciliation

by David Chadwick

Continuing to unpack the madness of unforgiveness, let’s talk about what forgiveness is and what it is not.

Forgiveness is releasing someone else of the debt they owe you. Forgiveness is softening your heart to the ones who have hurt you. Forgiveness is remaining open, yielded and willing to respond to another however the Holy Spirit may lead you to respond. Remember the story of Joseph that we looked at a couple days ago? How he forgave his brothers after 22 years of separation and being wronged? Forgiveness can look wild and radical. Ultimately, forgiveness is freedom and victory.

But, forgiveness does NOT always mean reconciliation!

These are two separate actions. Forgiveness depends on one person: you.

But reconciliation depends on two people: you and the one who hurt you.

Biblically, you are commanded to forgive. It’s not optional and Jesus makes that very clear. Reconciliation, on the other hand, may or might not happen.

Yes, if you can possibly reconcile with another, that’s God’s best. After all, God gave us a ministry of reconciliation in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

But reconciliation is not always possible. Why? Well, for one the person who hurt you may have died. Or the trust within the relationship may have become completely eroded and impossible to regain. Or you simply may not want that person as your friend again for many different reasons. Whatever the reason, so long as it’s not rooted in hatred and bitterness, I think it’s okay not to reconcile the relationship.

Certainly, you must forgive. But you may not be able to reconcile the relationship. And I’m sure that Jesus has compassion when it’s simply impossible to do or you just don’t want to do it this side of eternity.

Just remember, you are always called to forgive as Jesus has forgiven you. That is his will for you.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgive as You Want to be Forgiven

by David Chadwick

Forgive yourself. Release God of anything you have wrongly blamed him for doing. And forgive others.

Instead of just forgiving others by letting them off the hook of your wrath and anger. What if you actually forgive others the way you would want to be forgiven. After all, the Bible says to treat others the way you would want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).

This is an absolute key for forgiveness to have its full impact in your life. Read and reread Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

Now start with asking the question, “How do I want God to forgive me in all the ways that I have hurt his heart?” Really answer that honestly.

Here are some of the ways that I know I want God’s forgiveness. I want complete and total forgiveness. I want to be assured that I won’t be haunted by the memories of the pain of what has happened to me. I don’t want my own sin to be remembered. I don’t want my own sin to be broadcasted to the world. I don’t want my sins to harm me in the future.

Ok, now you try. Keep making a list for yourself. Maybe you want to be received with a hug instead of a punishment. Maybe you desire to experience joy and laughter after doing something you know was terribly wrong. Maybe you want the entire mess forgotten in order to move on in life.

Now, think of the person you need to forgive. You don’t want them unduly punished, right? Do you want their sins forever remembered by God? Do you want to see all of the wrong they have done to you made public? Do you desire to see them spend eternity separated from Jesus’s eternal love? Or be repaid for their sins here and forever?

If you truly are a follower of Jesus, I don’t think you could desire any of these things.

So, pause for a moment and release them. Forgive them as you want to be forgiven. And then watch as Jesus sets you free.