Are you looking for a way to change your spouse? To make him or her be more like you desire?
Then choose to serve your spouse and not be served (Mark 10:45). Do it even if you don’t feel like it.
Ask Jesus to change your heart. Desire to live and act more like Jesus. Desire to serve, not be served. Then you may see your spouse become the person you desire him/her to be.
Here’s a great example. A husband says to me, “When my wife changes her attitude, I’ll do something she loves: rub her feet.” My response? “Rub her feet, which she loves, and you’ll see her attitude toward you change.”
Guess what? He tried it. And it worked.
Just do what Jesus would do - especially with your spouse. Not based on your feelings but choosing to do Jesus’s will toward your beloved because it’s simply the right thing to do.
And see if your spouse starts becoming the person you’ve always wanted.