Kindness Under Fire: The Real War on Women

by Marilynn Chadwick

I wonder why we keep buying the same old lies. If someone else treated a woman as badly as she sometimes treats herself—overwork, eating disorders, addiction, lack of rest—they’d be convicted of abuse. The real war on women may require that we take an honest look in the mirror. And stand up to the devil who planted those lies in the first place.

If we truly want to understand what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman of valor, if we want to lead with kindness—perhaps we should begin by learning how to be kind to ourselves.

It’s been said that a woman never knows how much work she can do until she sees how much has to be done. This may be true. But it would appear that many women today lack the internal boundaries to see how much work is too much until it’s too late.

I wonder if the problem runs deeper than just exhaustion. Deeper than image, or people pleasing, or the desire to measure up, or to be thin, or beautiful, or rich, or fill in the blank.

Because at their very core, I believe women are wrestling with a spiritual problem. This takes us back to the most important task we have on earth—learning to abide in Christ (John 15:7).

Let’s not lose sight of the fact that it was her “fear of the Lord” that was central to the character of our Proverbs 31 woman. Her deep faith in the Lord energized her life (Proverbs 31:30). That’s why our foundation must be built on the solid rock of our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Wherever Jesus is preached, the status of women goes up. It was Jesus who brought true freedom in a culture that regarded women as inferior. He entrusted the message of his resurrection to a woman, appearing first to Mary Magdalene “from whom he had driven out seven demons” (Mark 16:9).

Years ago, I got to see firsthand how Jesus transformed the lives of women in a remote village in Ethiopia. Our missionary friends had shared the gospel with this group of people a decade earlier. When the villagers accepted Jesus, our friends immediately noticed two things: Men stopped beating their wives. And women planted flowers outside their huts. They also became more tender mothers to their children. Things like better education, hygiene, and health care soon followed.

It’s vital that women learn to balance our nurturer and warrior roles. When we do that, the people around us flourish. If the warrior side, or the “fight,” is taken out of a woman, those in her care are left vulnerable. But equally damaging results occur when a woman’s nurturer side is stifled.

God longs to meet the deepest needs of our heart. His grace is sufficient—if only we’ll regularly spend time in his Presence. Sometimes victory comes when you learn to rest in Christ. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28,29 ESV).

Our Kindness Under Fire series is adapted from Woman of Valor by Marilynn Chadwick. Click here for more inspiration or to order a copy of Woman of Valor.