How to Honor Your Wife: Share Your Heart

by David Chadwick

It was the most difficult time I’d ever experienced in ministry. People who were once my supporters became my critics. And the number of critics seemed to grow every day. Over time, I felt increasingly alone and discouraged. I wasn’t exactly sure what I needed to do next.

Sensing my frustration and need for rest, one of the church members arranged for Marilynn and me to escape for a week at the beach. On the first night away, I couldn’t sleep. After a couple of hours of fitful attempts at sleep, I sat up in bed and let out a deep sigh. I looked out over the water, feeling emotionally paralyzed, contemplating the situation and wondering whether I could ever move forward again.

Marilynn awakened at the sound of my sigh. With enormous sensitivity, she asked, “You’re not doing well, are you?” “No, I’m not,” I responded. There were several moments of silence that ensued. She was uncertain what to say next, as was I. She reached her hand over to mine and squeezed it. Finally, she said, “Please tell me what’s going on.”

I didn’t want to. Men and husbands aren’t supposed to share their hearts. I was raised to believe that big boys don’t cry. Men are supposed to be strong. They are to lead their families with force. They are supposed to never give up. Their wives are supposed to admire their dogged, relentless strength and perseverance.

“Please tell me what you are feeling,” Marilynn persisted. The dam burst. Tears flowed. Like a blister being burst, all the pent up pus of months of frustration and fatigue oozed forth. The more I talked, the more my feelings poured forth. When I finished, I breathed another deep sigh.

Then I began to feel embarrassed. Marilynn had seen me at my weakest moment. I had shared a depth of feeling I’d never shared before. I was certain she thought less of me. I knew she was now officially embarrassed to be my wife. She shocked me with her response. “David, I believe in you.” Then she squeezed my hand again and said it again. “I believe in you.”

That’s all she said. That’s all she needed to say. Four words that changed my life and ministry. Renewed confidence pulsated within. Hope surged in my soul. I began to believe this problem was solvable. I knew my leadership was damaged but not destroyed.

But before Marilynn could speak these words to me, I had to learn a very valuable lesson. I had to squash the lie that men never cry. I had to kill my prideful attitude that believed I always needed to be strong. I had to buy the truth that Marilynn really wanted to hear what was in my heart. She desired to be strong when I was weak. She felt called to help me carry my burdens. But it couldn’t happen unless I was willing to share my heart with her.

This series is adapted from David Chadwick’s book, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Wife. To download your free PDF copy of the book, please visit our website by clicking here!